I have to preface this by saying that I love my Beta Group, I love the people in it, I'm excited about where we're going as a group, and I believe we all have the intention of Life-ing together. It's going to be a great experience.
But, group makes me anxious. Not because I'm hosting. That's a no-brainer. I love having peeps in my space...but last week and this week, I've been on edge. I'm feeling prickly and not satisfied when we finish. I feel like I'm in the room but not in the group. I feel like I'm not "getting it." Last night I cried before bed.
It dawned on me when I hit the morning with a hot shower and a fresh perspective--that only a night's sleep can bring--that God wants to work on me. And, he wants to work on me through this group.
If all things were perfect, I would want group to be only a place of refuge and refuel. However, that's only one slice of a large pie. God also (or mainly?) wants group to challenge me to grow, to see things from other perspectives, to learn about him through the knowledge and experience of others. And, frankly, to realize I'm not always as right as I think I am.
I'm excited about that. But, I'm also sad because it IS going to be work.